POSITIVE PARENTING

Prov.22:6 admonishes us to train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. The only way to achieve this is to catch them young. Introduce them to God at an early age and ensure they are kept in the Lord.
Training of children was a collective responsibility as practised in different communities in the past. Such training is the responsibilities of parents, churches, schools and the community as a whole. High premium was placed on moral values at the time. There was no hiding place for any child who misbehaved because adults have the right to call such a child to order regardless of whether they are the parents or not. The reverse is the case these days. People are afraid of being accused of abusing children even their own not to talk of others’.
The society had gone so materialistic that families don’t have time for members any longer. Parents are no longer there to care for their children; rather they employ other people to care for them while they are in search of big, better, more. The children are left to do what they like without corrections and they then grow up with other people’s values and what they learn from the ever growing technology. Even when parents are around they hardly have time for the training of their children. They make up for this by buying them expensive gifts. Or how else can we explain a situation where a 4 – 5 year old has everything that technology can provide. Parents are no longer there to show love and care towards children, hence it’s difficult for children to exhibit such traits, after all you can only give what you have. This explains the level of moral decadence we have in our societies today. Families living in the developed world face stiffer challenges as any attempt to train or discipline a child is termed as “child abuse”. Consequently, children no longer have respect for adult, they make their choices like adults and most times query parents’ decisions and authority which is contrary to Eph.6: 1- 3. When you tell a child to do something or you deny them, you hear them ask “why”. Since parents have failed in setting boundaries and consequences for children, they don't have laws to guide their behaviour. As a result they cannot distinguish between right and wrong.
Our society has failed us in the direction they steer us to train our children. The media, governments, and different strands in the society dictate how children should live and be brought up. Whereas the Bible tells us to train the children in the way to go, and in so doing we should not spare the rod where necessary so that we don’t spoil them. Proverbs 13:24 says he that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him betimes. In today’s society you can face child abuse charges for shouting and hitting your child.
Young girls are seen on the streets dressed half naked exposing the best part of their bodies. Anything that would cover them up is not seen as fashionable and so not ‘cool’. In fact, you can hardly see anything suitable for christian children in the stores nowadays. Clothes racks are full of provocative and seductive styles. Boys on the other hand now put their trousers on their thighs showing off their bums to look “cool”. No wonder a programme like ‘Summerfest’ has turned into a fashion arena for our youth. I believe there should be stiffer rules and measures guiding such programme which should be made known to these children at the local church levels. It is a big shame and heart breaking to see our so-called Christian children behave the way they do at such events. These programmes should be used as an avenue to minister to their unbelieving friends rather than turn it to a fashion parade.
It is also fashionable to see young girls doing drugs, alcohol and clubbing these days just like their male counterparts. Fornication and early pregnancy is the order of the day. The consequence of this is that our children would not be able to influence their generation if we fail to impact them with the word of God and keep them busy with worthwhile ventures.
Christian parents need to partner with the church to combat the trend of moral decadence among our children. It is not about Sunday school alone because this is not enough to change the situation on ground. Children should be occupied with better alternatives to what the society is providing for them, like youth programmes that would train them to be “light in the world of darkness. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop they say. Such programmes include Bible School, dance, drama, seminars, conferences, singing, talent shows etc. all these should be geared towards glorifying the name of the Lord in the lives of our children. This is not saying that responsibilities of training our children be left at the pastors’ doorsteps, parents also need to invest in their children by giving their time, love, care and serve as role model to their children. Parents must model what they want to see in their children. The church should not shy away from teaching sex education to children in their early teenage years. This would be well handled if taught in the church rather than allow children to learn such subject in schools or from their peers.
Godly parenting courses/ seminars should be organised for parents themselves from time to time in order for them to meet up with the ever changing challenges they face in training these children. This is necessary as most parents themselves have no clue on how best to bring up their children. Some are so wrapped up in their own emotional challenges that they have little or no time for their children especially in one- parent families. There are different phases in the training of children, from childhood to teenage years and young adulthood. These phases have their challenges which parents must be aware of, otherwise it’s easy to lose control as a parent.
In order not to lose our children to the world, churches and parents need to step up in their efforts to bring our youth back to God.
If we fail in our responsibilities, society, TV, Radio, internet, PSP and their peer group will do the job for us. The outcome is always disastrous if we fail to inculcate the right values in them.
For us to keep the church of God going we need to nurture Godly children that would take over when we are old or no longer here. As parents we must have time for them and bring them up in love, teach them the love of God and be interested in their lives.
Parents are children’s best teachers as children learn many of life skills from them. As parents we always want the best for our children, this will only happen if we train them properly hence we need to work on our parenting styles as well.

Types of Parenting
1. Authoritarian
These parents have very high expectation of their children. They control and limit their behaviour. They may not explain why children must not behave in a certain way. It is always ‘You must do it, because I say so’ even when they are not showing good examples themselves.
2. Permissive
These parents may not take control of children’s behaviour; they allow a lot of choices and responsibilities. ‘He will learn from his mistakes’, they would say. The end result is usually unpalatable.
3. Authoritative
They explain rules and enforce them. They listen to their children and set boundaries in which children feel secured.
Children benefit most from this type of parenting because of communication between them and the parents.

Parents with high expectations of behaviour and independence are more likely to have children with higher self-esteem and independence.
Suffice it to say that there are no perfect parents, most parents are influenced by the type of parenting they received themselves. We do not need to be brilliant but good enough and consistent in our love and care and believe that there is a perfect God who is able to minister to our children Himself. It is also important to differentiate between training, discipline and child abuse and also be able to strike a balance. Some parents have lost their children to foster parents as a result of not being able to do it the right way. Only a few of such children come out well at the end of the day. We must strive towards positive parenting in order to bring the best out of our children and win them for God.

Tips on Positive Parenting

-Be their friend and the authority they need.
-Give them choices and consequences of their behaviours.
-Always keep communication line open.
-Follow each stage of their development as attitudes and behaviour differ as they grow older.
-You must co-operate with your spouse in training children.
-Teach them to understand submission.
-Know who their friends are.
-Show interest in their education and lives generally.
-Teach them to appreciate themselves and others.
-Teach them to say ‘please and thank you’ from an early age.
-Encourage them to imbibe the values in our culture.
-Talk about life’s issues with them.
-Teach them practical things, why we do what we do.
-We need to set boundaries for them and show them the benefits of staying within it and the consequences of staying outside it.

Ultimately parents should exhibit Christian traits, not that of a church goer. We must be the examples they need, whatever we do not want to see in our children, we must not do ourselves as they learn to do what they see. Above all, we should be fervent in our prayer for them, so that God would crown all our efforts on them.

MANAGING YOUR MARRIAGE IN THE MIDST OF STRIFE

What is strife? It is defined as trouble, conflict, discord, contention, fighting and rivalry.
What brings about strife in a marriage? It is when both or either of the party concerned are not in obedience to God concerning their God given roles and responsibilities in the marriage.
Ephesians 5:22-32 spelt out the roles and responsibilities of a man and a woman in a marriage.
How do you manage the strife when it occurs?
The first thing you do is to examine yourself. Am I carrying out my duties as a wife and mother? Am I doing these according to God’s directives? Your checklist is in Proverbs 31:10-31.
If the fault is not with you, then you humbly and prayerfully deal with the situation.
Never contemplate separation or divorce when you can commit it to God. Marriage is a lifetime commitment.
Make sure the communication line is left open, so you can talk about it. It is only through communication that you can resolve your differences.
This is not the time to ask for your right as a partner in the marriage or apportion blame; neither is it a time for confrontation and arguments, it is the time of submission, honour and respect for your husband regardless of what he does (Gen.3:16). This will take him to where God and you want him to be, rather than where he is now.
Remember you are dealing with an imperfect person like yourself; it is a fact that you cannot change him so commit him to God’s care. Avoid unrealistic expectations and allow God to minister to him.
Never involve the children in your differences. When you settle your differences, the children will still carry the hurts about and this may affect their personalities for life.
Your attitude will determine the outcome of the situation, so always have the right attitude expected from a child of God.
You must be very tolerant and patient. Ask for wisdom from God to be able to handle the situation. Proverbs 14:1, James 1:5
Be careful who you talk to about your marital problems and who counsel you, wedding is a public event but marriage is between two people only, you and your husband.
Allow your husband to lead while you follow. Don’t show you are in control even if you are. A man would preserve his ego at all cost, so don’t bruise his ego.
Treat him the way you’ll treat Jesus. This may sound difficult, but ask for God’s grace to be able to do your part. When you do this (submitting, respecting, and honouring) you are submitting to God under your husband, God is bound to do His own part by touching your husband and giving him a heart of flesh. Ezek.11:19
Remember you can only give what you have, if you don’t love yourself you cannot love anyone. It is therefore important that you love and care for yourself.
If you truly love God you must do His will without query. Always ask yourself, what will Jesus do in this situation? The Holy Spirit will lead you aright in Jesus’ name.
Lastly SUBMIT, SUBMIT, SUBMIT, AND PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!

There was a case of a sister whose husband was against her going to church. The man would refuse his normal breakfast on Sunday pretending he was not hungry. The moment the wife is ready to leave for church he would tell her to go and make pounded yam for him with a warning that the house maid must not help in cooking his food. The sister would immediately undress and go to the kitchen to prepare the food. He would make sure he asked for what the wife couldn’t prepare in a hurry.
This went on for a long time, but with prayer, fasting, submission, honour and respect for the husband, the Lord gradually touched his heart, and changed him. He started attending church with his wife. She won his soul for Christ through obedience. You too can do exploit for God.
There is nothing impossible for our God if we walk in obedience to His word.
Submitted by Mrs Olubunmi Salako to RCCG Miracle Land Women Conference Newsletter 2008

Out and about

Mrs Bunmi Salako with her friend Princess Sarah Sosan Lagos State Deputy Governor

Chief Mrs Opral Benson

Her Excellency, Princess Sarah Sosan, Pa Fashola, Gov. Fashola's Dad

All in White

Mrs Olubunmi Salako and Lagos State AC Chairman, Chief Dele Ajomale at a press conference at the Hilton Hotel Ikeja Lagos.

We Have Incompetent Leaders

We Have Incompetent Leaders
April 23, 2010 13:40, 15 views
Chairman, Republic of Ireland branch of Action Congress Mrs. Olubunmi Salako, in this interview with JAMIU YISA, speaks of her frustration over the state of Nigeria

Q: How is it like operating from a foreign country?
A: I remember at the initial stage when I got to Ireland, there were lots of problems Nigerians faced settling down into the system. Our children were not well integrated into schools. A lot of children had the tendency of dropping out of school because of the problems and I made it a point of duty to go from school to school, county to county around the country, to educate the schools, teachers and head teachers on issues of education and diversity, so that they will understand where our children are coming from and fashion a way of integrating them into the system. I started the education consultancy as a result of this. Along the line it was discovered that our qualifications from Nigeria were not recognised at all. It was difficult for even graduates to access further education and employment. I was invited by Integrating Ireland in conjunction with some University dons (an umbrella group for all immigrants' groups in Ireland) to join in a project which would give voice to immigrants in this regard. We held 7 forum meetings where we listened to people's experiences trying to access education and jobs. The finding was herrendous. The report was submitted to the National Qualification of Ireland and this eventually led to a qualification frame-work for foreign certificates. We were able to have accreditation in the sense that they now equate whatever we have as first degree here to their own ordinary degree which is equivalent to our own diploma here. But if you’re lucky to have master’s degree, that will be at par with master’s degree in Ireland.
Q: What other things have you been doing over there?A: Apart from working in the education sector, you’ve heard I am a politician as well. I’ve supported a lot of our people go into Irish politics, especially women because I believe that women are under-represented. And to the glory of God, some of them contested under different political parties in Ireland last year. I belong to the ruling party there, but I do not limit myself to the ruling party. I parley with all parties so that I could get tickets for our people in different parties. And the party that really welcomed immigrants is the Green Party. They fielded ten immigrants at the last election which was huge. And out of ten, I supported two and they did very well even though they didn’t win.I supported one five years ago and she stood at the election again last year. She’s thinking of coming to Nigeria to contest in the next election. She hopes to go to the federal house.
In addition I believe that women are the back-bone of the family, whatever affects them will reflect on the family and that will affect the nation.That was why I started the group called The Louth African Women Support Group in 2001 to discuss the problem women and children are facing in the Republic of Ireland and how we can network with other women’s group. We are affiliated to the National Women Council in Ireland. Through that, we were able to have a voice as African women in national policies. The first huge impact of the group was made with the representation made to the Minister for Justice at the wake of the citizenship referedum. At the time government was trying to change the citizenship bill, so that if you have a child in Ireland you won’t get automatic citizenship for that child which was the situation prior to this. We made a recommendation that all those who had been in the country should be given amnesty so that the bill would only affect the people who come in after that period. We discovered that some of our recommendations were accepted. You would have to wait for three years to get residency before you could now apply for your child. The bottom line of all these is that wherever we are, we must have a voice and make that voice very strong, especially those of us in the Diaspora. As part of my efforts to integrate African children in Irish schools, I wrote Tales by Moonlight: African stories for Children Volumes 1, 2, and 3. These were distributed to Irish Schools and were funded by the Irish government
Q: What is the rating of Nigeria in Ireland?A: The rating of a country is based on the character and contributions of the citizen. There are a lot of highly educated Nigerians who are doing well, based on that, I’ll say our rating is high. A lot of Nigerians are contributing positively to Irish society.
There are so many opportunities there for us, all we need to do is just step out and speak. When you speak people listen because it is a civilised community. It is a place where they appreciate every little thing you do. A lot of things I do over there wouldn’t have come to fore if I did them in Nigeria unless I belong to the right circle. We all talk of change, I think the best thing that we could do is to talk about the type of change we want and stick to it. Thank God people are talking. I was really impressed with the Enough is Enough rally because people are now coming out to say we don’t want this, we want to move forward, we’re tired.I am tired myself; a lot of people living in the Diaspora are tired. We don’t want to live abroad for ever, if not for anything, the cold is too much. We don’t want to live with it all our lives but when you look at the state of our nation, it’s appalling and so scary. No pipe borne water, everybody depends on bore-hole, the roads are in appalling conditions. Traffic is hectic because the roads are bad, the health system is not great.
The development of the nation should be systematic and constant. As the population grows, infrastructures should be developed to match the population.I came to Nigeria last year July to do a comparative study on Irish education and that of Nigeria. It took me a month to visit schools and study the educational system and standard, and what I saw was devastating. I went everywhere including Abuja, if not for the private sector, the educational system would have come to a total halt. I develop heart ache whenever I think of the state of our nation.We must kick out all these people who are no longer productive. I don’t want to mention names but I know of some people who had been in government since I was a child. The politics we practise in Nigeria is that of reuse, reduce and recycle. They recycle themselves in governance, they reduce the number of people with integrity that can serve the people and they recycle the old school ideas that are not relevant in the 21st century. Every country in the world is changing and Nigeria must change and the change would come if we sensitise the populace. Thank God another election is coming; we need to make them aware that we are tired of their leadership.
Q: What is the way out?A: It is time to start to ask questions that it’s almost four years of this present regime, what have they achieved. Have they fulfilled their campaign promises? These are what to ask them when they start to come knocking on our doors. But we also have the problem of not knowing those who represent us. Where I live, the minister will knock on doors to come and canvass for votes and people can ask him what his plans are for them. The good thing is you can hold him accountable if he didn't deliver on his promises.
These people had been able to make good their promises. Not here in Nigeria, we have stack illiterates who know nothing. A lot of them just giggle, some sleep when sessions are on in the House of Assembly. You would see the house divided when important discussions are going on. There would be factions of people giggling, laughing and doing other things while serious matters that affect the nation are being discussed.Let us ask them how many bills have they been able to pass, how many have they promoted and how have they been able to impact on the people from their constituencies? It is time for us to find a lasting solution to the problem of Nigeria and if we don’t hold these people accountable and responsible, they’re not ready to do anything.
Q: How do you hope to solve the problems in the education sector?
A: It is not something that one person can do alone. For us to be able to do anything, we need to revamp the system totally and not just one area. This would start from the teacher training colleges. You would discover that it is when students fail JAMB and couldn’t secure admission into universities or polytechnics that they now go for teachers colleges. They use it as the last resort. These are the people we’ll entrust the lives of our children to. We must give them sound education also, as they can only give what they have. The curriculum needs to be upgraded to match with international standard.The society has a major challenge in the area of reading culture. We’ll rather buy our children laptops, shoes, bags and other material things rather than buy them books. We need to encourage our children to read. When they develop this habit, they would be familiar with words, how words and sentences work. The effect is that it will help them in other subject areas. Parents must create more time to the education of their children instead of leaving everything in the hand of teachers. Government needs to adequately fund the education sector and provide the resources needed. Teachers’ condition of service should also be improved for them to do the job with joy.
Q: What do you think are the effects of the political problems between Tinubu and Fashola on the forthcoming election?
A: As far as I know, there is bound to be arguments even among siblings. So if there is any wrangling between the two people you mentioned, I don’t see any reason why it should affect anything. This is because you’re talking about two brothers who know how to handle themselves and I know they don't have problems that cannot be solved. The two of them are working together. So whatever people see on the pages of newspapers should not be seen as the actual picture of the situation between them. Like I said to a lot of people in time past, don’t take sides with politicians. Behind closed doors they know how to resolve their differences and ignorant people on the street would be killing each other. These are two people who are very close and had worked together for so long and who know where they are going. So, I don’t see any reason why whatever people are saying would affect anything in Lagos State.
Q: What do you have to say concerning the acting president and his performance?
A: I believe Acting President Jonathan Goodluck needs to step out fast and do whatever he needs to do because he has just a few months to perform. He has been there for about eight weeks now. By now I expected that he should have been able to make concrete decisions on issues that would have impact on the nation. Apart from the ministers screening, I have not seen anything yet. I think he should move fast.
Q: As a woman, wife and a leader, what do you have to say about Turai Yar’Adua?
A: I think that she is entitled to her privacy as a family woman; I am not going to deny her that. She is entitled to protect her husband especially her husband’s health. I am not going to fault her on that either. The only thing I will fault her on is that I expected that while we were not hearing from Mr. President, she should have come out through the president’s aides to assure Nigerians and may be give us little information about what is happening instead of leaving that vacuum. I heard that Mr. President was not in the state of talking but I was surprised when he came on BBC interview and he had the strength to wish our football team well. And I said to myself, there we go again using football as a uniting factor in Nigeria. If he had the strength to do that I expected that he should be able to do that on national media not BBC. We were a state without a head, we were branded as terrorists and nobody was up there to say anything. It took the senate a long time to react. I expected that they would set up a committee to look into that issue immediately instead of leaving the United States authority to it alone. In Nigeria, we don’t act promptly, we have this lackadaisical attitude towards issues. The bureaucracy in the system is so much that it is affecting us. And that is what happened in that case as well.
Q: Nigeria’s name has been battered all over, how has that affected Nigerians in Ireland?
A: If not for the community work and the national work that we are doing there, thank God we have a lot of volunteers who are doing one thing or the other to make sure that we build our image, we are known as fraudsters, 419ers, human traffickers, and prostitutes name it. We were given a lot of names but thank God for people who are doing well and known. Whenever we are asked to react to any misdeed by a Nigerian we are always to remind them that their society has criminals as well.
Q: What does it entail to be the chairman, Action Congress in the Republic of Ireland?
A: My position as the chairman is to make sure that I have representation all over the counties like our states here. This means representation of Action Congress members all over the State and I look for people of integrity, not people who want to come and eat or those looking for Ghana must go bags. Thank God the party is blessed with committed, well educated professionals who are willing to contribute their wealth of knowledge to the development of Nigeria. These are people who are thinking of what they could give rather than what they could get. We are presently working on a project that will be beneficial to final year students in AC states. You will be informed as soon as this kicks off.
Q: What is the relationship between you and the Lagos State deputy Governor?
A: We were classmates at the university and we’ve been very close since then. Many people say we resemble each other, I think it is true that when two people move together for sometimes they tend to look and act alike.
Q: What are the chances of Action Congress in the 2011 elections? Is the party ready to win more states?
A: It is not in Lagos or Edo States alone, we are winning more states. People have seen what Lagos State’s Governor Raji Fashola has been able to do. Also that of Gov. Adams Oshiomhole and what he has been able to achieve since he got into power in Edo state. We believe people will see what we have been able to achieve as a party and make them vote for Action Congress. Our winning is not going to be limited to only Lagos and Edo States alone I can assure you. So keep your fingers crossed, as we are going to win more states and we will not lose Lagos and Edo states.
Q: How would the votes of Nigerians in the Diaspora count?
A: At the moment, we have been given voting rights. What should be put in place are the modalities to do it. About two weeks ago, I read in the newspaper that the government is going to do a pilot project in four English speaking countries. United States and United Kingdom was mentioned. This means Nigerians in the four countries would be able to vote and I am hoping that Ireland will be one of them because the representation of Nigerians in Ireland is huge. And if they are not allowed to stand in elections, these people could be fielded in as advisers so that they could make impact in the system. Also we are hoping to sensitise our relatives and friends in Nigeria to vote for our party, AC.
Q: The health of Mr. President has brought to the fore the bad state of our health sector, what do you feel about this?
A: That is why we are saying we have incompetent leaders, leaders who don’t have the love of people at heart. Leaders who don’t think they have to extend the hand of fellowship to the masses. They have the money to access whatever they want, so they say why we should care. It is the poor masses that are suffering and before they can do what we are talking about, the issue of electricity must be addressed first. How are you going to power a life support machine in the hospital if you don’t have light? Diesel is so expensive that when I visited a party chieftain last week, I was told that he powers his generator with N200, 000 naira a month. How many people can afford that? After the electricity problem is solved, we may now start to talk about other things. We have a long way to go as a nation and until people are ready to serve selflessly, our situation may become worse.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU FIND IT HARD TO SAY NO

The word NO can seem to be one of the hardest for us to voice out sometimes, yet it is such a small word. Many people avoid a misunderstanding by avoiding the word NO, and this can create a huge tension in relationships, even in marriages. A woman I know almost lost her marriage because her husband enjoyed touching her face fondly. Although she hated the action, she didn’t know how to say NO. He, in turn, felt that she enjoyed it, and always did so, at every opportunity. In fact, he had asked her a number of times if she liked it, and she said YES, not wanting to hurt his feelings. Negative emotions which built up, boiled over one day, and she voiced it out rashly, as one of her complaints. Of course, he was shocked.Many people say YES, when what they really wish to say is NO. If you are one of these people, then you are not saying what you really mean. This will always affect your feelings of self-respect. If you like something that someone has done, or is offering, you should say YES, when asked. If on the other hand, you don’t like what is on offer or what is being done to you, you must say NO. To say the least, saying YES when you mean NO is unfair to the other person, and sends confusing signals. We all struggle with this little word. We then find ourselves doing all sorts of things that we don’t really want to do. If we do not say NO when we should we will end up doing things in annoyance and develop emotions of resentment. This almost always leads to reduced self-esteem.Practising makes for perfection. If you find it hard to say NO, it is better to practise using the word as often as you would like to. Like learning a new language, you must say it to yourself over and again when there is no one around. Get used to saying it, just for the fun of it in your own time. See the person in your mind’s eye. Visualise yourself saying NO to them. Practice it over again. If it is someone you love or respect, you may follow it up with a reason starting with “because…” Keep your reason very short. Generally, people are selfish, and will think of themselves first, or only of their own benefit. If they care about you, they will take your wish on board. Once people have got used to hearing you say YES, (even if it will kill you), they will be shocked (at first) to hear you say NO. But, believe this, they will soon get used to it. The first time you say NO, it might feel a bit strange, maybe even scary. Don’t apologise after you have said it. In fact, once you have said it, it is more interesting when you add “I said” in front of it, by saying “I said NO”. Wait for the opportunity to say NO”. Then, secretly congratulate yourself. The next time, it will be easier. Whenever you feel victimised, you may feel low in self esteem. Look for the next opportunity to say NO when you really want to, and you will feel empowered and quite happy with yourself. It really is alright to say NO when you want to.

THE BODY SPEAKS VOLUMES

THE BODY SPEAKS VOLUMES

Body language is a form of non-verbal communication consisting of body pose, gestures, tone of voice and eye movements. People unconsciously send and receive non-verbal signals all the time. It is often arguably said that human communication consists of 93% body language and paralinguistic cues, while only 7% of communication consists of words.

In our everyday lives, we body language to put across our message; to obtain constructive feedback; as well as to acquire whatever we need. Although we may be oblivious to it, we employ body language constantly. Besides, it is our entire body and not just our mouth that is involved in this language.

Our body says a lot about our feelings and sometimes reflects what’s going on in our minds. For instance, it is easy to know someone with low self-esteem as he/she walks with drooped shoulders and may fail to make eye contact. This is said to signal that the person is avoiding communication. Low self-esteem highlights weaknesses and mistakes which usually is a put-off for those who notice it in others. Low esteem may make the person feel stupid and inadequate and may result in being further put down by others and self.

This situation could be changed to a more assertive one, by walking tall and sitting straight with the shoulders back. It is important also to maintain eye contact as this exhibits self confidence and high self-esteem. People are attracted to these qualities in others and most times high self-esteem and confidence open doors that are somewhat difficult for someone with low self- esteem.

Your body language can tell if you are friendly or not. When you put a smile on your face, and make eye contact, it is obvious you are open to communicating with others. When our body language is changed positively, we become assertive and others will respond to the new feelings of high esteem and self-respect they perceive.

Our body signals could give us away, especially if one is telling lies. There is persistent belief that people with shifty eyes are probably lying. However, nervousness can manifest itself in the form of shifty eyes. Paul Ekman says in his classic work, Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in marketplace, Politics and Marriage, that a group that excels in making eye contact, which appears very sincere, is a group of pathological lairs. It is therefore not safe to rely on eye contact alone as a measure of sincerity.

It is extremely essential to recognize whether people take an interest in what you communicate or else it is simply a wasted effort. For example, think of yourself as a teacher. Are you really imparting knowledge to your student, or do you take it for granted that they are learning from you? Do you think your teaching skills are sufficiently sharp to kindle their interest? Now unless you understand the various body signals transmitted by all the various students, you would not understand how they are taking to your teaching. And unless you recognize whether gazing constantly with unblinking eyes at you is an indication of interest or a sign of daydreaming, you just will be unable to take the requisite steps to attune yourself to their learning requirements. Different body gestures send out different messages which are interpreted in different ways based on people’s cultures. In western culture, children are trained to make eye contact while speaking or being spoken to, whereas the African culture sees this unflinching eye contact as disrespect to an adult.

If you wish to communicate well, then it makes sense to understand how you can use your body signals to say what you mean.

LISTEN

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving advice, you have not done what I need.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All that I asked, was that you listen,
not to talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap: you can get both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself, I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can do and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince
you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answer are obvious and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
So, please listen and just hear me.
And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn,
and I'll listen to you.
-Anonymous

On Sunday 7 February 2010, the executive members of Action Congress Ireland Chapter were delighted to host guests from Balbriggan County Fingal led by Mr Peter Ebeleghe. It was a pleasure for the executive members to host Mr. Ebeleghe and his friends, whose aim, it appeared was to join Action Congress Ireland legitimately. During the meeting it was constantly reiterated that Action Congress is an open and fair representative for the people of our great country, Nigeria.

Action Congress is the only reputable opposition party in Nigeria, prepared to cater for, and to meet the needs of all Nigerians.

The group was wholeheartedly welcomed, on behalf of Action Congress HQ in Abuja, Nigeria and they were urged to register with Ireland Chapter of the party without further delay.
With this development, Mr Ebeleghe is expected to be the co-ordinator of Action Congress Fingal County as soon as they become card carrying members of the party.

Mr. Ebeleghe requested for a group photograph after the meeting with the executive members, this was granted by Mrs Olubunmi Salako, although many members had left as they had to travel long distance back to their homes.

Snacks and drinks were provided by the management of Crown Ventures Drogheda, the owner (Mr. Aderire Ademokun) of the venue for the meeting.

All information regarding membership is avalaible on the party website at http://www.actioncongressireland.org/ and everyone is invited to visit the site in order to register as member.

I look forward to welcoming you to Action Congress Ireland Chapter.

Action Congress- AC, AC- Democracy Forever.

Mrs Olubunmi Salako
Chairman, Action Congress Ireland Chapter
10 February 2010

Tales by Moonlight:African Stories for Children Volume 1

Nigeria's "Missing" President

Nigeria’s ‘Missing’ President

The on-going debate regarding the President’s health and whereabouts begs further questioning, as does the nation’s condemnation of the US authority which branded the country as “Terrorist” in the wake of the attempted bomb attack on Flight 253 to Detroit on Christmas day 2009, by a Nigerian, Farouk Umar Muttallab.

The President, Alhaji Umar Musa Yar'Adua, left the shores of Nigeria about 51 days ago for medical treatment in Saudi Arabia. Nothing concrete has been heard from top officials of his cabinet since then. Many questions have been asked many times by many people about his health, and who is ruling Nigeria. All people have heard have been lies and more lies. For a public official, there should be no secret about these standard requests by Nigerians. People deserve to know the condition of the No 1 citizen. Officials should not play on the intelligence of the populace. The absence of the President, a former Chemistry teacher, has created a power vacuum since he failed to provide presidential instructions to his Vice-President, Dr Jonathan Goodluck, before his departure. This development is regarded by many Nigerians as an affront on their intelligence.
While Nigerians were clamouring for Dr Jonathan Goodluck to take over, the American Chronicles newspaper came with a divisive rumour of his death. Suddenly, BBC has him on a few seconds of interview, to break a 51 day silence. Suddenly, according to a BBC News broadcast, in which he was claimed to have been interviewed for 3 minutes, the Nigerian President (who cannot speak with Nigerian Journalists or his own Cabinet members) is well, and promises “to return to duty as soon” as he’s discharged by his “doctors”. Which should we believe; the British BBC or the American Chronicles? Many Nigerians smell some very big fat, smelly rats! How long must Nigerians wait before being allowed to move the country forward from stagnation? And why do Nigerians and Nigerian Journalists have no access to the President’s doctors? Nigerians want to know who is running Nigeria.

A Democratically elected President abandons ship for 51 days, with no end in sight. He appears to have been in an interview with a British BBC journalist for 3 minutes, with no apology to the millions of Nigerians he had abandoned, and to a nation he has failed through his continued silence. He, however, did not fail to send “good wishes to the Super Eagles football team”! If anything, this only proves, in the minds of Nigerians, that he is really sick. How does a country’s leader go on Absence Without Official Leave (AWOL), for almost two months, with no clear indication of his present state of mind or health, his precise whereabouts, or concrete hand-over arrangement to cater for his absence, but yet have the temerity to send any kind of wishes to a football team? Who is fooling who? Is he trying to play on the intelligence of Nigerians again, by using football, which is seen as a unifying factor in Nigeria?

There is no better time than now to have a President who could stand up for the citizens of this country. Nigeria has been branded a “Terrorist country” by the US, and what people have is a President sending good wishes for football, and a Senate making empty noises. Yemen was also listed as a Terrorist nation, and their leadership promptly sprung into action by going aggressively to curb terrorist activity their country. By now, Nigerians expect that the Senate should have carried out extensive investigations regarding this incident, and the news that the “boxer bomber’s” father did indeed report his son’s excesses to the USA officials, which they failed (for whatever reason) to act on. Nigerians expect definitive action, perhaps even placing embargo on Nigerians further visiting or doing any sort of business with the USA, until this matter is fully investigated and resolved to mutual satisfaction. After all, airlines and the USA embassy itself (which denies countless Nigerians visas on a daily basis) generate significant income from Nigeria and Nigerians through Tourism alone.

Nigerians demand that the Senate constitute a committee to investigate the Farouk Muttallab’s attempted bombing case, in order to determine the level of lapses in our own security system, and find a credible and lasting solution. Talk is good and cheap, but actions are more effective. This is how the country’s leaders might be seen as being serious by the international community. Some Senators have no clue as to why they even were ‘elected’. Many could be seen chatting, giggling and even laughing while a serious debate (to determine the fate of millions of lives) was going on in the House. Some are known to have handled serious issues with lackadaisical attitudes. One wonders if some of these people are just afraid of retirement, and need to be seen to be occupied with a ‘job’.

Another election is around the corner. Nigerians have a fresh opportunity to boot out all unproductive public office holders, no longer relevant in the scheme of things. We must evaluate the progressive changes that have been made, and by whom, and especially, how these changes affect our lives, and also match their performance with the number of bills they have promoted and passed in the House. Have they made good on their promises to their constituencies. Do not waste your vote this time around, and don’t be sentimental. Nigeria needs change, and only Nigerians can determine how much change the country can have.

Many Officers are now going about doing one charity work or the other, giving out bags of rice, money and other goodies. Nigerians are not fooled. How long will a family of six live on one bag of rice or a few naira notes. What will you do when the rice and money finishes? For how long will this deceptive ‘show of generosity’ continue, and will it solve the problem of the masses in Nigeria? What Nigeria needs is a lasting solution to the problems that face the majority of its citizens: no pipe-borne water supply, no electricity, no motor-able roads, no fair play or justice. Nigerians needs leaders who can address the issue of disrespect to Nigerians worldwide, the Niger Delta crisis, health care, unemployment, low standard of education, security of lives and properties etc.

Voting for the wrong person because of one stupid bag of rice and a few naira notes, means you have mortgaged the future of both yourself and that of your children. Your vote is your voice to bring about the desired change in your country. Americans have voted in a black-American president. It takes courage to make change happen. Nigerians too can vote for change. Nigeria is richly blessed with men and women of integrity, intelligence, strength and fear of God. We are where we are today, because we have allowed a few bad eggs to hijack the governance of our country. Nigerians have been offered nothing but bad leadership and management. It’s time to rise up and reject them as leaders. Nigeria is a nation where many believe so much in God, but we must take decisive action to move the hand of God. Posterity will judge us if we fail to do what is expected of us. Another wrong move would be one mistake too many. Let us all rise up against bad leadership and say with one voice, enough is enough!