MANAGING YOUR MARRIAGE IN THE MIDST OF STRIFE

What is strife? It is defined as trouble, conflict, discord, contention, fighting and rivalry.
What brings about strife in a marriage? It is when both or either of the party concerned are not in obedience to God concerning their God given roles and responsibilities in the marriage.
Ephesians 5:22-32 spelt out the roles and responsibilities of a man and a woman in a marriage.
How do you manage the strife when it occurs?
The first thing you do is to examine yourself. Am I carrying out my duties as a wife and mother? Am I doing these according to God’s directives? Your checklist is in Proverbs 31:10-31.
If the fault is not with you, then you humbly and prayerfully deal with the situation.
Never contemplate separation or divorce when you can commit it to God. Marriage is a lifetime commitment.
Make sure the communication line is left open, so you can talk about it. It is only through communication that you can resolve your differences.
This is not the time to ask for your right as a partner in the marriage or apportion blame; neither is it a time for confrontation and arguments, it is the time of submission, honour and respect for your husband regardless of what he does (Gen.3:16). This will take him to where God and you want him to be, rather than where he is now.
Remember you are dealing with an imperfect person like yourself; it is a fact that you cannot change him so commit him to God’s care. Avoid unrealistic expectations and allow God to minister to him.
Never involve the children in your differences. When you settle your differences, the children will still carry the hurts about and this may affect their personalities for life.
Your attitude will determine the outcome of the situation, so always have the right attitude expected from a child of God.
You must be very tolerant and patient. Ask for wisdom from God to be able to handle the situation. Proverbs 14:1, James 1:5
Be careful who you talk to about your marital problems and who counsel you, wedding is a public event but marriage is between two people only, you and your husband.
Allow your husband to lead while you follow. Don’t show you are in control even if you are. A man would preserve his ego at all cost, so don’t bruise his ego.
Treat him the way you’ll treat Jesus. This may sound difficult, but ask for God’s grace to be able to do your part. When you do this (submitting, respecting, and honouring) you are submitting to God under your husband, God is bound to do His own part by touching your husband and giving him a heart of flesh. Ezek.11:19
Remember you can only give what you have, if you don’t love yourself you cannot love anyone. It is therefore important that you love and care for yourself.
If you truly love God you must do His will without query. Always ask yourself, what will Jesus do in this situation? The Holy Spirit will lead you aright in Jesus’ name.
Lastly SUBMIT, SUBMIT, SUBMIT, AND PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!

There was a case of a sister whose husband was against her going to church. The man would refuse his normal breakfast on Sunday pretending he was not hungry. The moment the wife is ready to leave for church he would tell her to go and make pounded yam for him with a warning that the house maid must not help in cooking his food. The sister would immediately undress and go to the kitchen to prepare the food. He would make sure he asked for what the wife couldn’t prepare in a hurry.
This went on for a long time, but with prayer, fasting, submission, honour and respect for the husband, the Lord gradually touched his heart, and changed him. He started attending church with his wife. She won his soul for Christ through obedience. You too can do exploit for God.
There is nothing impossible for our God if we walk in obedience to His word.
Submitted by Mrs Olubunmi Salako to RCCG Miracle Land Women Conference Newsletter 2008