POSITIVE PARENTING

Prov.22:6 admonishes us to train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. The only way to achieve this is to catch them young. Introduce them to God at an early age and ensure they are kept in the Lord.
Training of children was a collective responsibility as practised in different communities in the past. Such training is the responsibilities of parents, churches, schools and the community as a whole. High premium was placed on moral values at the time. There was no hiding place for any child who misbehaved because adults have the right to call such a child to order regardless of whether they are the parents or not. The reverse is the case these days. People are afraid of being accused of abusing children even their own not to talk of others’.
The society had gone so materialistic that families don’t have time for members any longer. Parents are no longer there to care for their children; rather they employ other people to care for them while they are in search of big, better, more. The children are left to do what they like without corrections and they then grow up with other people’s values and what they learn from the ever growing technology. Even when parents are around they hardly have time for the training of their children. They make up for this by buying them expensive gifts. Or how else can we explain a situation where a 4 – 5 year old has everything that technology can provide. Parents are no longer there to show love and care towards children, hence it’s difficult for children to exhibit such traits, after all you can only give what you have. This explains the level of moral decadence we have in our societies today. Families living in the developed world face stiffer challenges as any attempt to train or discipline a child is termed as “child abuse”. Consequently, children no longer have respect for adult, they make their choices like adults and most times query parents’ decisions and authority which is contrary to Eph.6: 1- 3. When you tell a child to do something or you deny them, you hear them ask “why”. Since parents have failed in setting boundaries and consequences for children, they don't have laws to guide their behaviour. As a result they cannot distinguish between right and wrong.
Our society has failed us in the direction they steer us to train our children. The media, governments, and different strands in the society dictate how children should live and be brought up. Whereas the Bible tells us to train the children in the way to go, and in so doing we should not spare the rod where necessary so that we don’t spoil them. Proverbs 13:24 says he that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him betimes. In today’s society you can face child abuse charges for shouting and hitting your child.
Young girls are seen on the streets dressed half naked exposing the best part of their bodies. Anything that would cover them up is not seen as fashionable and so not ‘cool’. In fact, you can hardly see anything suitable for christian children in the stores nowadays. Clothes racks are full of provocative and seductive styles. Boys on the other hand now put their trousers on their thighs showing off their bums to look “cool”. No wonder a programme like ‘Summerfest’ has turned into a fashion arena for our youth. I believe there should be stiffer rules and measures guiding such programme which should be made known to these children at the local church levels. It is a big shame and heart breaking to see our so-called Christian children behave the way they do at such events. These programmes should be used as an avenue to minister to their unbelieving friends rather than turn it to a fashion parade.
It is also fashionable to see young girls doing drugs, alcohol and clubbing these days just like their male counterparts. Fornication and early pregnancy is the order of the day. The consequence of this is that our children would not be able to influence their generation if we fail to impact them with the word of God and keep them busy with worthwhile ventures.
Christian parents need to partner with the church to combat the trend of moral decadence among our children. It is not about Sunday school alone because this is not enough to change the situation on ground. Children should be occupied with better alternatives to what the society is providing for them, like youth programmes that would train them to be “light in the world of darkness. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop they say. Such programmes include Bible School, dance, drama, seminars, conferences, singing, talent shows etc. all these should be geared towards glorifying the name of the Lord in the lives of our children. This is not saying that responsibilities of training our children be left at the pastors’ doorsteps, parents also need to invest in their children by giving their time, love, care and serve as role model to their children. Parents must model what they want to see in their children. The church should not shy away from teaching sex education to children in their early teenage years. This would be well handled if taught in the church rather than allow children to learn such subject in schools or from their peers.
Godly parenting courses/ seminars should be organised for parents themselves from time to time in order for them to meet up with the ever changing challenges they face in training these children. This is necessary as most parents themselves have no clue on how best to bring up their children. Some are so wrapped up in their own emotional challenges that they have little or no time for their children especially in one- parent families. There are different phases in the training of children, from childhood to teenage years and young adulthood. These phases have their challenges which parents must be aware of, otherwise it’s easy to lose control as a parent.
In order not to lose our children to the world, churches and parents need to step up in their efforts to bring our youth back to God.
If we fail in our responsibilities, society, TV, Radio, internet, PSP and their peer group will do the job for us. The outcome is always disastrous if we fail to inculcate the right values in them.
For us to keep the church of God going we need to nurture Godly children that would take over when we are old or no longer here. As parents we must have time for them and bring them up in love, teach them the love of God and be interested in their lives.
Parents are children’s best teachers as children learn many of life skills from them. As parents we always want the best for our children, this will only happen if we train them properly hence we need to work on our parenting styles as well.

Types of Parenting
1. Authoritarian
These parents have very high expectation of their children. They control and limit their behaviour. They may not explain why children must not behave in a certain way. It is always ‘You must do it, because I say so’ even when they are not showing good examples themselves.
2. Permissive
These parents may not take control of children’s behaviour; they allow a lot of choices and responsibilities. ‘He will learn from his mistakes’, they would say. The end result is usually unpalatable.
3. Authoritative
They explain rules and enforce them. They listen to their children and set boundaries in which children feel secured.
Children benefit most from this type of parenting because of communication between them and the parents.

Parents with high expectations of behaviour and independence are more likely to have children with higher self-esteem and independence.
Suffice it to say that there are no perfect parents, most parents are influenced by the type of parenting they received themselves. We do not need to be brilliant but good enough and consistent in our love and care and believe that there is a perfect God who is able to minister to our children Himself. It is also important to differentiate between training, discipline and child abuse and also be able to strike a balance. Some parents have lost their children to foster parents as a result of not being able to do it the right way. Only a few of such children come out well at the end of the day. We must strive towards positive parenting in order to bring the best out of our children and win them for God.

Tips on Positive Parenting

-Be their friend and the authority they need.
-Give them choices and consequences of their behaviours.
-Always keep communication line open.
-Follow each stage of their development as attitudes and behaviour differ as they grow older.
-You must co-operate with your spouse in training children.
-Teach them to understand submission.
-Know who their friends are.
-Show interest in their education and lives generally.
-Teach them to appreciate themselves and others.
-Teach them to say ‘please and thank you’ from an early age.
-Encourage them to imbibe the values in our culture.
-Talk about life’s issues with them.
-Teach them practical things, why we do what we do.
-We need to set boundaries for them and show them the benefits of staying within it and the consequences of staying outside it.

Ultimately parents should exhibit Christian traits, not that of a church goer. We must be the examples they need, whatever we do not want to see in our children, we must not do ourselves as they learn to do what they see. Above all, we should be fervent in our prayer for them, so that God would crown all our efforts on them.